“Rapport is that magical thing that happens when two people fall into sync.
Evy Pompouras
Building rapport is more than “I like chocolate, you like chocolate.” The person you're speaking with starts to like you and is more willing to trust what you say. Rapport is the start of building a trust-based relationship and is a skill you can develop to influence someone's behavior.
These are not your grandma's corny “mirror and match” tips you learned in Real Estate Sales 101. These are powerful and tactical and are used by professional negotiators and law enforcement agencies.
- Using tactical empathy uses observation and discernment and opens the lines of communication. It's a powerful negotiating tool. Empathy makes people feel understood and more connected with the creation of oxytocin.
- Mirror & match. The quickest way to develop rapport with someone on the phone is to match their tone, inflection, speech patterns, intensity, and rate of speech. If you sound familiar, they'll naturally have a friendlier attitude towards you.
- Keyword backtracking. Observe words and phrases they use frequently and sprinkle them in occasionally. They will feel like you “speak their language” because you do.
- Good questions get even better answers.
- Ask lots of open-ended questions, but don't sound like an interrogator.
- Ask “Why does that matter” or “Why is that important to you?” type questions to get them to elaborate. This will give you context and uncover what is really important to them.
- Use “acknowledge” and “approve” phrases like “I hear you” or “I know exactly what you mean.” Don't use too many of the same ones repeatedly.
- Use question softeners if you're asking several or tough questions, or if you're trying to counteract assertive/aggressiveness.
- Never argue or make them wrong. Use the words “and”, “and yet”, and “however”.
- Slow down. This exudes power with the added benefit of giving you time to think. It conveys confidence and that what you have to say matters.
Remember T-E-D to encourage people to elaborate:
T- Tell (Tell me why...)
E- Explain (Explain what happened...)
D- Describe (Describe your last experience...)
I'd love to hear your feedback as you start practicing some of the tactics.